1486847901Telling your spouse you want a divorce is never easy, even if you are both unhappy in your marriage. During your divorce, a family law attorney in Paterson, NJ, will likely do a great deal of your communicating for you, which may alleviate some of your stress. However, the first discussion starts with you. If you are ready to tell your spouse that you want a divorce, these tips will help.

Choose the Right Time

For this difficult conversation, you will need privacy and to be able to speak without interruptions. Choose a time when your children are out of the house and when you can both turn off your phones and the television to focus on each other. Any interruption in your conversation could leave important things left unsaid or even escalate the situation. Generally, a public place is not ideal, unless safety is a concern, because it can forcibly shape your spouse’s reaction and prevent him or her from sharing an emotional response.

Be Direct and Firm

Don’t leave any confusion about what you want by talking around the issue of divorce. Ask directly for a divorce, and be clear that your decision is firm. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t acknowledge your spouse’s hurt or surprise. In fact, when you have expressed your desire for a divorce, it can be important for you to listen to your spouse’s needs. You may not be willing to meet them, but listening and being sympathetic can set the tone for a respectful divorce.

Avoid Making Decisions

It is natural for your spouse to feel overwhelmed about the amount of change ahead and to feel vulnerable about things like finances and child custody. These decisions will be made with the help of a family law attorney when you both are clearer on what you need to move forward. Reduce the urge to make threats or to try to make decisions about settlements and custody in anger. The more you can allow your divorce attorney to negotiate on your behalf, the better able both you and your spouse will be to move forward with co-parenting and a new phase of your relationship with respect.